Learning to Live
by Skyla Ishiyama
Summary: SEQUEL TO "LEARNING TO LOVE" Rain's fate has been decided, and now the group must learn how to deal with it. There is much to learn, when learning to live again, however. OddxOC YumixUlrich JeremiexAelita Sorry it took so long!
1. There's Still Hope

**A/N:** You all have no idea how freaking sorry I am! I hate to make excuses, but there's been a lot of… crap to put it lightly, going on in my life. And with school, online courses, afterschool activities, and then add on the personal problems that I've been facing, it equals very little time to focus on the story. And I apologize so profusely. Just imagine me bowing repeated or something. Anyway, this has been a long time in the making, and edited so many times that the original storyline has changed by now. I'm also way behind in the series, so I don't know much of the current happening with Lyoko. But please enjoy.

**This is a SEQUEL! Please read "Learning to Love" first, or you will not understand what it going on. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own. Never have, never will.

**Learning to Live:: Chapter One: There's Still Hope**

_Beep... Beep... Beep..._

It was amazing how I could stand to be in this room at all. The repetition of a heart monitor, the horrible off-white color that threatened to blind me, and the pale face of the one I love, lifeless. There was an impending doom that I couldn't shake as I studied my beloved: her ghostly pale face, framed by her dark, limp hair; her chest barely rising and falling to assure me there _was_ still life within her being.

_Beep... Beep... Beep..._

The blinds were drawn, so only the awful artificial light reached her face. It seemed to only worsen my fears. In the artificial light, especially, she seemed more like a ghost than the girl I grew to love. Her face had the expression of discomfort and sadness frozen in place, yet the expression didn't make her look any less beautiful. It was almost painful for me to look at her, but I suppose this whole thing is turning me slightly masochistic. And it wasn't just looking at her that caused me turmoil, but the thoughts that ran through my head...

_What if she never woke up again..._

Nothing scared me more than that fact that she may never open her eyes, never smile, never live again. A coma, that's the state she was pushed into, the fate she placed upon herself, because of her want to protect us. To protect _me_. The thought almost sickened me. And as icing on the cake, if she did wake up, she might not even remember us. I couldn't help but bitterly think that it might be for the best. At the same time, it tore me apart inside. I couldn't live without her, I just couldn't. It would destroy me inside. How masochistic would it be, to love someone who wouldn't even know my name? Yet, how sadistic it would be for me to want her to remember all the pain. If she forgot... she'd forget everything- the pain of her past, the alone-ness that she suffered for years, her hate for XANA, her love for me...

My breath caught it my throat, as I shook my head, to clear that last thought. _'You can't allow yourself to think that way yet. You can't loose your hope yet.' _a slightly logical side of me commented. A darker side decided to add its two-cents as well, _'That hope could very well destroy you though. If you hope too much, you'll be shattered when you find out she doesn't even know your name.'_

I had to calm myself, and think of something completely different, before I felt myself relax. That thought had terrified me ever since I'd heard that it was possible. As a matter of fact, ever since that day... I've been terrified. That day... the day she tried to kill herself.

_Fear had pulsed through my veins, making my whole body numb with adrenaline, forgetting the pain cause by the XANA attack. Nothing could break my sheer determination to protect the one I loved. It was after she found me hurt in the forest, and I knew-and the others did too-that she would do something drastic. It was a twisted way of something like honor to her._

_I shoved people out of my way as I went through the halls, almost as if on autopilot, the only thought going through my head was _'Not. Her.'_. _

_The door sprung open, the force of my flight causing it to bash against the wall, but that wasn't what made my heart flat-line._

_The smell of blood was thick in the air, and Rain's near lifeless body was tainted with crimson. The bleeding hadn't stopped, but she was down for the count._

"_Call 911." I remember stating, as calmly as possible, as I rushed to her side to gather her in my arms. I flinched as I studied the damage to herself._

_I didn't bother listening to Yumi's hysterics over the phone as she screamed at them to hurry. I was already sprinting out the door again, and to the front of the school, where, in the distance, I heard the sirens._

_There was still a chance. _

A shiver trembled through my body as I remember the helpless feeling. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for her to have so much on her shoulders, so many counting on her. It just wasn't fair! And as much as I wanted to scream that, as much as I wanted to pound my frustrations out on a wall, I knew it would do no good. There was nothing I could do to change the past. All I could do was rely on hope to get me through another day.

I came to the hospital every day, spending all of my free time there. No one tried to stop me, not even the nurses anymore. They knew that even though they kicked me out, I'd find a way back in, just to watch my beloved Rain's pale face in... _slumber. _I slightly cringed at the thought. I'd tried to fool myself into the 'fact' she was just sleeping, but that never worked.

The XANA attacks are less frequent and weaker, and we know it's Rain's tie to him. We still weren't going to let her die, as was apparent, even if it eliminated XANA. We would find any alternative we could to make it possible for her to live, and him to vanish. First, however, we wanted her to wake up. It's been almost two months since her attempt, and the doctors say there's been no change. Now whether that's a good thing or bad thing, that's up to interpretation.

"Odd?" A nurse poked her head into the room, "The doctors want you to go home and get some rest, okay? Could you do us that favor sweetie? We'll make sure nothing happens to Rain, and we'll call you if anything changes." she promised.

I looked up, and I could see the worry clear on her face. I glanced quickly into a nearby mirror, and I could immediately tell why. There were dark circles enclosing my eyes, and I could tell my skin had become lighter, from my lack of sunshine. I turned back and gave her a half-smile, not bothering to examine myself more.

"I believe I could do you that one favor. Just this time though."

She nodded and smiled, "While worrying about her health, don't forget your own, okay?"

"Easier said than done." I muttered to myself.

"Just try kiddo." she ushered me out the door, and towards the exit. "No one wants to see you hurt. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be affected like this."

Though her words were meant to help, I couldn't help but flinch. Dejectedly, I finished the walk to the exit, and left, feeling like I left a piece of my heart there with her. Everyone had noticed a change in me ever since Rain's hospitalization. Even I could see it in myself.

That night, as I fell into an uneasy sleep, I wondered if things would ever be the same...

X.x.x.X

"_Ring..._" the shout of a phone awoke me from my sleep. I scrambled to answer it in my half-awake state.

"Hello?!" I'm sure my frantic manner was clear in my voice, but I didn't care. If it was the hospital, I had to know… but I feared that the news they would bring would hurt me more then I already was.

"Odd Della-Robia?" a familiar voice rang out, and my heart beat sped up.

"Yes, this is he."

"Rain's vitals have improved and we believe she may wake up very soon. I thought you might like to be here when she does."

My eyes widened, and I was on my feet, stumbling to pull on shoes. "I'll be there soon. Thank you very much!"

"No problem." I could hear a small smile in her voice. "Goodbye, Odd."

"I'll see you soon." I hung up the phone, and quickly rushed out the door. I must have looked ridiculous since my hair was surely sticking up at odd angles, and I was in sweats and a baggy shirt. But I could not waste time thinking about my appearance.

I arrived at the hospital in record time, the nurses all giving me nods as I rushed past them. I skidded to a stop in front of her room, and hesitated as my hand touched the door. This was it. It was the moment I would find out if she remembered me. If she remembered anything. I felt my heart accelerate as I opened the door.

The usual doctor stood beside the bed. She looked up at me, and gave a tired smile, before beckoning me over to her side. Rain still lay motionless, but there was movement beneath her eyelids.

After a few moments, her eyelids fluttered open, and she gasped as if waking from a horrible dream. It took a while for them to focus, but soon her eyes began scanning the room. Her gaze lingered on the doctor for a moment, and then on me.

My heart beat faster as I saw her soft cerulean eyes, slightly clouded in confusion. "Where…" she couldn't seem to find her voice. The doctor handed her some water, which she took with a grateful look. It was downed quickly and she tried to speak again. "Where… am I?"

"The hospital, sweetie. Can you tell me what you remember? What is your last memory?"

"I…" she blinked, furrowing her eyebrows in thought. "I remember, being in a hospital once before… because I passed out… while singing. I… I'm a singer. REK." She nodded to herself, reassuring herself that it was true. "It had to be a couple years prior to now… How old am I?"

"You're sixteen." The doctor replied.

"Mm… I had to be around thirteen. I remember I wasn't in school at the time. I was earning money to go to a boarding school so that I could be more than self-taught. I don't remember my parents, but I remember singing…"

My heart plummeted as she spoke. We hadn't met until she was fourteen, during her first year at Kadic. She didn't remember. She chose that moment to look at me, and our eyes connected for a moment. Her eyes did not register confusion, but she didn't proclaim my identity like she would have.

"I should get going." I nodded to the doctor. "I hope you feel better Miss Kamera."

My feet felt like lead as I walked at the door. As soon as it closed, I felt a tear slip from my eye. I leaned my back against a wall and slip down, burying my head in my knees. My body wanted to reject the knowledge so badly. I shook trying to keep the tears that wanted to fall from cascading down.

My world had shattered. The girl I loved more than anything in the world didn't even know my name. She was the only one who had the power to make me cry, and cry I did. Another person sat beside me, and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe it's better this way, Odd." Yumi's voice whispered to me, a hint of sadness playing on the tone. "She doesn't remember her parents, so she doesn't know of XANA and all the other things that hurt her so much. And who knows, maybe with time, you can make her fall in love with you again. There's still hope."

**A/N: **First off, I'd like to say not everything is as it seems. A lot more will be explained in the next chapter, which will be in Rain's point of view. Please review to tell me how it is. I know this should have been out years ago, and I apologize again. Any of my old readers, thank you for returning to read. I really didn't mean to take this long. I love you all! Please don't hate me. And if you do, review and tell me that you hate me. Or that you love me. Either way, I won't complain.


	2. Hating Myself

**Author Note: **I'm back fairly quickly, eh? I have to say, I really love writing in Rain's POV. It's very chaotic and slightly repetitive, but it gets the point across. It really shows her emotions too. The poor girl is so confused, and her thoughts are so chaotic, it's a mess. And that's the way this chapter kind of came out, but it's meant to be that way. Now to thank my lovely reviewers! First off, **dracolover18**, I do not hate you. The two of us need to talk, but not through review and author note. We ended on a bad note, and it's entirely my fault. Next, **jayhawkerforlife**, you asked, and I delivered, here's the next chapter! And finally, **I-Breached-UR-Security**. Yes, high school can be a little rough, but I'm definitely going to try to update much faster. I don't know if all my updates will be as fast as this one, but who know? Maybe they will be. Thank you, all three of you, for your wonderful reviews and compliments! Much love to you all.

**Disclaimer: **Code: Lyoko does not belong to me. It never has and never will. Rain, however, is mine.

**Learning to Live:: Chapter Two: Hating Myself**

My heart ached as I watched him walk out of the room, completely heartbroken. I answered the rest of the doctor's questions as if nothing was bothering me, but that was far from the truth. As soon as she left, I wrapped my arms around myself, and let my tears fall. What a load of BS I had just fed the doctor. As if I could forget. For years all I'd wanted to do was forget.

I had just lied to the person who meant the most to me, in order to try to protect him. If he believed I didn't know who he was, maybe he could let me go. Maybe he could find someone who was better for him, who wouldn't cause him this kind of pain. I didn't know how long I could keep up this act… it hurt me, probably just as much as it hurt him. But it was for the best.

I ran my hand over the scars I had given myself, as grief overwhelmed me. I would be the keeper of this knowledge, and it would only be me. No one would have to know my inner suffering, or how much I knew about XANA and the group. I could surely befriend them again, but I didn't know if I could risk it. How long could I last pretending?

I brushed my brunette hair from my eyes, running my fingers through the mess that had accumulated from my stay in the hospital. I sighed, swung my legs over the side of the bed, and stared at the wall. How had it come to this?

I lay myself back down, and breathed deeply to calm myself down. This was a new start. I could act happier, and be "myself." Or as close to myself as I could be while pretending... I needed to stop thinking.

Through out the rest of the night, nurses and doctors came to check on me periodically. I lied convincingly when asked about my memory, and they all believed me. By that afternoon, they decided that the best path was to put me in physical therapy to re-strengthen my legs, since they had not been used in about two months.

All the doctors were amazed at how fast I seemed to snap back. Though I slept a lot, which worried them, I did not show any signs of relapse. I didn't get many visitors, and part of me hurt, know that it was my own fault things were like this.

For a long time, that was my schedule: sleeping, physical therapy, doctor visits, eating, and sleeping some more. They also put me in counseling for my suicide attempt, though I had "no recollection" of it. I slept so much so that I didn't have to face reality, but soon an event happened that would free me from the hospital. I was well enough to be released. I could walk on my own, I showed no signs of relapse, and there seemed to be no damage to me besides the scars.

So, after my long stay in the hospital, I was going to be on my way back to Kadic, back to the life that I was supposed to have no recognition of. I dreaded the very thought of it, but I didn't let anyone ever noticed, because that would be suspicious.

"A girl named Yumi Ishiyama will be here to escort you back to Kadic.[1]" I was informed the day I was being discharged. The dread of going back grew, but I smiled regardless.

"It shall be nice to meet one of my classmates." I replied in a light, playful tone. The nurse gave me a smile, as she checked my vitals for one of the last times.

"I'm sure you'll make wonderful friends again." She said positively as she wrote on her chart. "And Yumi can be the first of them! She'll be here soon."

"I'm sure it will be a pleasure to meet her." Of course it would be a pleasure… and a torment at the same time. Yumi was the one who helped me when I first got together with Odd. Heck, she helped me through a lot more than that. She had been a great friend to me. What would she think if she found out I was faking it? Would she think I thought so little of our friendship that I was willing to throw it all away?

As I worked myself closer to a panic attack, a knock sounded at the door. Yumi stood in the doorway looking slightly awkward, and I fought the urge to throw myself into her arms and cry. I bit my lip, in what I hoped looked like a nervous way, and she offered me a smile. Her onyx hair fell slightly in front of one eye as she walked closer, but she made no move to place it behind her ear. Instead, she held her hand out warmly, before she spoke. "Hello, Rain. I'm Yumi. I'm here to take you back to Kadic."

"Hello Yumi. It's a great pleasure to meet you. Were the two of us friends before?"

"You could say that." She replied unsurely.  
"I'm sorry that I have no memories." I said, forcing the words from my mouth. I knew if anyone would find out I was faking, that it would be Yumi, not only because she might be able to tell, but because I might come clean in front of her. If I could push her away now, it would probably be a good idea. The problem was, I didn't know if I could.

"Yeah…" I could hear the pain in her voice, though she tried to hide it. She forced a smile, and I grabbed onto her hand, giving it a shake before letting her help me from the bed.

"Could we be friends again?" I stood without a problem, as we made our way towards the door. She seemed taken aback by my question, almost as much as I was by it coming from my mouth. It was not what I had planned at all.

"Of course. If you like to be." She offered a smile. I gave her one in return. Her eyes looked brighter as I returned the smile, and I figured it was due to the fact that I rarely smiled so widely back then.

I was all checked out and ready to go, according to the nurses, so Yumi led me out to her car, opening the door for me. I slid in as she went around. Soon we were both buckled in and on the road. An awkward silence hung about us, and I was the one to break it.

"Who is Odd?" I asked quietly. "When I woke up, he was there. Who was he to me?"

"Odd… was just a friend… a very good friend of yours. You cared very much for him, and he did the same for you." Yumi lied, as if she had practice it.

"Oh…" I said, like I was thinking it over. "Maybe I can be friends with him again too."

The words just kept coming out. I was appalled at myself. I couldn't see myself lasting long when it came to pretending I didn't know them. It was hard enough with Yumi and Odd, but add in Jeremie, Aelita, Ulrich, and Sissi, and I wasn't sure how long I could last. At least I knew I was a singer, but… how could I deny my love for Odd, and my bond with the others? This was really going to be the death of me.

"Who were some of my other friends?"

"Let's see... Jeremie, Aelita, Ulrich and Sissi. You'll get to meet them when we get back. Jeremie is the youngest in the group, and also one of the smartest. Aelita is Jeremie's girlfriend, and a real sweetheart. Ulrich is my boyfriend, and he's the mysterious, silent type, in his own way. He has a bigger heart than he lets on. Odd is, well, the oddball of the group. He's a little eccentric, but he's extremely caring. Sissi is the principal's daughter, and she used to be somewhat of an annoyance to us, because she didn't think she could be a friend to us. Excluding Sissi, we used to have movie nights at my house, almost weekly. You and Aelita would stay the night at my house afterwards."

"It sounds like we were really good friends... I'm truly sorry I don't remember." Maybe... if I say something enough times... after a while, maybe I'll start to believe it myself.

"Yeah... it really is a shame." She said softly, as she pulled into the parking lot. "And a warning, I think the group is going to have a welcoming back party for you." She efficiently changed the subject.

"Well, that's one way for me to meet them." I chuckled. I could continue to act, if I really put my mind to it. At least, I hoped I could. God, I was becoming a broken record...

"You'll like them." She gave a bright smile, even though I could tell it was slightly forced. I could understand. I'm sure she felt like she lost a friend. She opened her door, and I followed her example.

"I'm sure I will, if they're anything like you." I didn't want to see her so down. It was probably the reason that I had agreed to be her friend again. I didn't want to see them hurt because of me, just like I had wanted to eliminate myself to keep them safe. I was a martyr in my own way.

"So you really don't remember anything after you first got to Kadic?" There was hope in Yumi's voice, and it broke my heart that much more. We started walking towards the building, where she was going to show me to my dorm room.

"No... like I said, I'm really sorry."

"Maybe one day you'll regain your memories..."

"Maybe..." I replied. We were through the doors and to my dorm room shortly after. She handed me my key, and I unlocked the door to reveal my room. As I saw it, a wave of nostalgia washed over me. It was completely clean by now, no signs of blood that should have stained it. It was like it was the first day at Kadic all over again. My hands ran over the wall, as I saw all my stuff was neatly organized and placed on my bed for me to arrange. Yumi closed the door as she followed me inside.

Life had gone on, as if I was never gone, just as I knew it would. It had to. The world didn't stop turning because one person was missing. I was sure that the others had gotten used to me not being around.

"Was it hard?" I asked quietly, in a reserved voice.

"Was what hard?" she was perplexed.

"Seeing me hospitalized, living with my desk empty, not knowing if I'd wake up. It must have been difficult. I hear it was my own choice, but I don't know why I'd do that to anyone."

"You did it to protect someone dear to you. It was the only way you knew to deal with it. And of course it was hard. You were one of my best friends. I don't know what I would have done if you'd have died. It was hard enough seeing you while you were in the hospital. You might as well have been dead by the way you looked. It was heartbreaking."

A knock sounded at the door, and I walked over to answer it, letting Yumi's answer sink in to be stored to be thought about later. I opened the door to see the familiar faces of Jeremie and Aelita. I offered a grin. Aelita gave a huge smile, and Jeremie gave a small one in return.

"I'm guessing I knew you two before the accident?" I asked, stepping back to let them in.

"Yes, I'm Aelita and this is Jeremie. We heard you were coming back, and since we saw Yumi's car, we assumed you were back. You're looking well."

"So what Odd said was true. You have lost your memories." Jeremie said once Aelita finished.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, looking ashamed at myself. "If I could remember, I would."

The more I lied, the more I started to hate myself. I was going to have to tell someone soon, or I was going to commit suicide, and succeed this time. It was then I finally allowed myself the thought of telling one person, and I knew who that person would be. I didn't know when I'd see her next, but I was sure my counselor could help me.

Now that I was allowing myself to tell _someone_ I felt I could keep this act up for as long as I needed to… maybe.

"It's not your fault. It's not like you chose to forget or anything." Aelita said gently. If only she knew.

"When will I get to meet the others? Odd, Ulrich, and Sissi were my friends, right?" I asked. In all honesty, I really wanted to see Odd again. He was my sunshine, and I had missed that sunshine for around three months. Even if he thought I didn't remember him, that didn't mean I had to stay away from him.

"Well, we could all meet up at Yumi's house, and you can meet them then. If that's okay with Yumi, that is." Jeremie replied, looking to Yumi for affirmation.

"Of course that's fine. You know my parents love you guys." Yumi smiled fondly.

"Great, I'll call the others, and then we can all go over." Aelita gushed. "I can't wait for you to meet them. You'll probably really connect with Odd. It'll be nice for us all to be together again."

"I'm sure it will be wonderful." I grinned from ear to ear.

Aelita stepped out and made her phone call, and Jeremie and Yumi chatted quietly among themselves until she got back. She told us that they were on their way to her house already, so the four of us went to Yumi's car and piled in.

The car ride was quick, and soon we were all standing in Yumi's living room with the other three. Introductions were quick, but not in an awkward way. Sissi gave me a hug even though she knew I didn't remember her.

"So, now that we're all here, what should we do?" Yumi asked.

"How about watch a movie, like the old days?" Ulrich suggested.

"Sounds like a plan. How about we watch something sort of lighthearted... like Spirited Away?" Yumi suggested.

"That's a great choice." Odd replied in a chipper tone, despite the half smile he gave.

"Oh really?" I challenged lightheartedly, just to see what he'd say.

"Yeah really. If you disagree I might just have to tickle you till you agree." His eyes lit up a little more. He walked closer to me, so that he could easily attack if I persisted.

"No way." I teased some more, waiting to see if he'd follow through. I wanted to see his joking side once more.

"Way." He lunged forward and all but tackled me to the couch. He wasn't kidding when he said he'd tickle me. I would have thought he wouldn't, considering I "didn't remember" him, but I couldn't find it in myself to care as I started laughing.

"Okay, okay!" I said when I was nearly breathless. "I give in, you win, you win!"

The others just stood laughing at our antics, probably all thinking of the "good old days." He got off me, laughing at my disheveled appearance, and helped me up. The chemistry between us was undeniable as we locked eyes. It was almost enough for me to come clean. Almost. But my resolve was set, as I offered him a smile.

"Shall we watch the movie now?" I asked, and they all laughed again.

"Of course."

We all sat down to watch the movie, and, of course, Odd sat next to me. Fate seemed to like to torment me. It took all my will power not to grab his hand and lace it with mine. Instead, I settled for pretending to fall asleep half way through the movie and lay my head on his shoulder.

He sighed softly when I did lean on him, and I could tell it was a bittersweet moment for him.

"The chemistry between you two is as strong as ever." Aelita commented softly. "It's hard to believe that she doesn't remember. She acts so naturally around you, like she's meant to be beside you."

"Like I said, maybe you can get her to fall in love with you again." Yumi pointed out.

"Don't get his hopes too far up, Yumi." Ulrich chided. "We have no idea what this 'new' Rain will be like. Maybe she's just more open and trusting. Or maybe she has taken a liking to Odd so quickly because of her prior relationship to him. This is no way to tell."

"I don't really care. I just want to savor the fact that she's alive, and that she's this close to me. That I can laugh and joke with her. That's what's important to me. Her happiness is far more important than mine." Odd said uncharacteristically soft.

My heart ached as they spoke, and once more the thought of telling them came to mind, but I stopped myself. For one, I was supposed to be asleep. But also, I was afraid of what they would think.

"We should probably wake her up, and head back. It's getting late and there's school tomorrow." Jeremie pointed out.

"Rain." Odd's voice sounded closely to my ear, as he shook me slightly. "Time to wake up."

I moaned slightly, as if I'd been awoken from a deep sleep; closing my eyes tightly, I stretched and yawned. I blinked my eyes into focus and looked at each of them before tilting my head slightly. "I fell asleep? What time is it?" I yawned again. Pretending to sleep sure took a lot more out of me then I expected.

"It's about time to head back." Aelita gave a warm smile.

"Oh…" was all I replied with, standing up. "I guess we should get going then?"

"That might be a good idea. I'll see you all at school tomorrow." Yumi waved as we started walking towards the door.

"It was nice to be able to meet you all… well, again." I gave a half smile, tugging on my long sleeves.

"I'm sure we'll share just as many memories as before." Yumi smiled fondly, eyes unfocused as her mind went to the past.

The rest of us made our way back to the school as the sun disappeared. The clouds completely covered the moon and stars, so it was pitch black except for the street lamps, two of them which were flickering on and off. It was then that I remembered that before the incident with my father I was terrified of the pitch black night. I would never go out during new moons. With that thought, I instantly shivered and brought my arms around my torso. It was hard to believe that I had forgotten one of my worst fears because of my mom's death. Xavier used to taunt me so much for it…

"Rain, you okay?" Odd asked, making me jump slightly.

"I'm terrified of pitch black darkness. I love the stars, but being outside when it's so dark… I feel so vulnerable." I whispered. "I feel like something is going to jump out at any minute and attack me…"

"Well, that's new." Aelita said softly, surely remembering the old Rain, though there was still worry in her eyes. It was clear I was petrified.

"We're almost there, okay, don't worry." Odd tried to calm me down.

I breathed deeply, trying not to let my paranoia get the best of me, but something moved off to my right, making me jump again. I closed my eyes trying to center myself, but it wasn't helping. I cursed at myself for remembering such a fear.

"Will you feel better if someone holds your hand?" Odd asked, extending a hand to me. I nodded and timidly took his hand, reveling in the feel of it. If I wasn't so afraid, I would've enjoyed this moment much more. "We're almost there." He repeated softly, giving my hand a squeeze.

I nodded and we continued walking, the others making small talk to keep me occupied, and the warmth of Odd's hand giving me comfort. We reached the school quickly, and all of us split up, but not before Odd asked me if I would be alright walking back alone. I told him I'd be fine.

I made it to my room without further incident, and immediately turned the light on. I moved the stuff off my bed, and flopped down.

_'You're still a child, I see.' _A familiar voice mocked me. I froze, trying not to let it intimidate me.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my head when I was still in the hospital? Don't you ever listen?" I breathed out, finding my courage.

_'It was only a matter of time till I would come back. Do you really think you can get rid of me that easily? '_

"Get out of my head." My anger flared up. "Get out or I'll really kill myself this time."

_'I bet they took your knife. And if you tell anyone about me, you'd lose your cover and be sent to an insane asylum. You're quite the little actress, my child.'_

"Shut up." I growled, as I searched for my knife. No matter how much I searched, I could not find it. I swore as he laughed. I dug my nails into my arm, ignoring the burning pain that shot through it. "I said get out." I ground my teeth together, as my nails pierced the skin after much effort.

_'I haven't completed what I came here for.' _His malicious tone sneered, though there was a hint of pain to it.

"Haven't you done enough?" I exclaimed weakly, recalling all he had put me through.

_'Dear child, it is never enough. Especially when it comes to you. I want to break you down, destroy everything you've built. I want to completely destroy you. And then take over the world.'_

I shivered again, before my eyes fell on my mirror. It was just a cheap mirror from the store, and had no real value to me, so I threw it to the ground, picking up a larger shard.

_'Don't do it you foolish child!' _he berated me as I rolled up my sleeve.

"If it hurts me, it hurts you." I steeled my nerves as I brought the glass to my unscarred wrist. I slashed down quickly, before I could change my mind. I repeated the action two times, before I ground out a "Now leave."

The voice in my head quieted, and I dropped to my knees. I did not want to deal with this. I wanted to do nothing more than throw up at that very moment. I was disgusted with myself. Angry tears streamed down my face as blood dripped to the floor. What had I become? Self abuse was not the answer, but… it was the thing I resorted to in order to get rid of his voice. What was I supposed to do? What else could I turn to? Who could I turn to?

I felt so alone, and so confused. I felt like my heart was being squeezed and twisted, and the more I thought, the more it hurt. I rolled onto my back and grabbed my wrists, flinching as my skin made contact with the wounds. I prayed that applying pressure would be enough to stop the bleeding. I needed to see my counselor soon to get all this out, because as the minutes passed, I began learning what it meant to completely hate myself.

**Author Note: **So there it is, the second chapter. Was it all you hoped it would be? I'm sure it was slightly hard to follow at times, but that is because Rain isn't really sure what she should think anymore. She's confused and her thoughts are chaotic, like I said in the A/N at the beginning. And it might seem like things are moving fast between Odd and Rain, but… well maybe they are, we'll just have to see. I hoped you all enjoyed it. **Questions, comments, concerns?** Then please **review**! Next chapter will be in Yumi's point of view.

[1] I'm not sure what the driving laws are like for them, but since Yumi is seventeen in this story, I'm making it so she's able to drive, since in Florida you can get your license at sixteen.


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